In modern times more and more women and man over 50 find themselves alone. Whether it is a forced separation and whether it is voluntary separation a shock is a shock and the long forgotten singles market that you are forced to enter again is scary and daunting. This post is addressing women as the whole website, but every tip here can be addressed to men as well. So enjoy reading and leave a comment below if you have something to ask me.
Senior Dating Sites – The beginning…
I remember after my divorce I felt like Little Red Riding Hood in a forest filled with wolves. I first married when I was only 22 and divorced around 50 and all the senior dating sites were intimidating and frightening.
I signed up to an online dating website but did not know what was expected of me. One thing was clear to me without a shadow of a doubt – I am not going to give up my personal values and certainly am not going to become a commodity in the singles dating meat market. Decisions and reality aside and loneliness have its impact on any brave decision and I made so many mistakes until I meet the love of my life. This post is dedicated to you my friends, with all the insights that I collected over the years and the best practices in the world of online dating.
First of all, don’t be afraid to try it. Your children are grown and less needs you. They have their own life and the last thing they want is to “spend quality time with mom”. Believe it or not, you are actually left alone. Sorry to break the news to you like that, but family and kids cannot replace the love between a man and a woman.
Senior dating sites – the guidelines
Senior dating sites can be a great opportunity to find your soul mate, but also a dangerous place that you should be familiar with, be careful and get to know how to use it wisely.
It is therefore important to follow these guidelines:
- First of all – let’s put feminism aside. And this statement comes from the mouth of a feminist woman, free and independent! These tips refer to the most basic nature of man and woman and the most natural way they communicate and interact with each other. These tips are the result of years of experience and they always work…
- Sign up for a trusted dating site specializing in senior dating. I know that most dating websites has all ages but I found AYI.COM and have more to offer and the members there suited me more. But of course it’s up to you. I also gathered some helpful links to books, dating websites and several sources of information and sites that I find suitable and decent.
- Never register with your real name (only when you pay and this is confidential information) and do not submit any identifying information like phone number, address, etc. In the digital age the world becoming a small village and most of us has kids, friends, employees and family members – like us, at this very moment they are online. So in these early stages where you still make your first baby steps in the online dating world you must remain anonymous.
- When a man turns to you online (you’ll get lots of requests!) Keep calm and do not be swept off your feet. Not everyone who writes beautifully and sounds manly in his writing, or sensitive poet, is indeed like that in reality. Remember this is just writing skills it still does not indicate anything about the man himself.
- Study carefully his profile description, try to read between the lines and understand the subtext. Stay away from bitter men who sounds disappointed, who separated recently from his wife or who is not divorced or widowed. Those who are “separated” for years are men who are: A. still fighting their wives B. Can’t let go. You don’t need any of them, believe me.
- It is very important at our age (yes yes!) to find someone who is financially stable. Financial Security is not a dirty word. Unless you’re a millionaire and you have no problem supporting someone else (have him sign a prenuptial agreement!) Check what he does for a living, whether he has a home of his own and get as much information about his financial background and so on. Remember – You are a pretty fifty and you deserve a man of uncompromising quality!
- Once first contact is made (you will get a notice from the dating website) do not ever give your phone number. Not at this stage. I can emphasis enough how important it is! Take his phone and call him from an unlisted number (your phone number won’t show on his phone screen). In most phones there is an option to disguise your number by adding a specific number before dialing. Check with your phone service provider how to do that and make sure that your number is kept anonymous until you feel confident, know more about him and his background and trust this person.
- Never give your real name – not even on the first date and believe me, in retrospective, you will thank me for remaining anonymous. Imagine if you were to say the least not passionate about this person while the other side has a crash on you and after one date is deeply in love. He will start looking for you everywhere around the internet. Shortly he will find on Google pictures of you, where do you work who are your friends and family (on Facebook) and within few days you will have an obsessive stocker who knows all about you.
- Some dates can be a complete disaster. Don’t be discouraged if it does not work. I remember on particular one occasion. We had an instant click, moved fast to phone calls and after few calls I felt so confident that went to meet him for a nearby park just as I was, no makeup, stained old sweatshirt, smelling from cooking… I was sure he’ll fall in love with me right away, that this is just a natural progress after the deep, funny, witty conversations between us. When I saw him from a distance indeed he was not far from what I imagined – a tall, fair and handsome man with a long black coat flapping… As he came closer, I saw the look of disappointment climbing on his face which has increased as he came nearer. Finally when he approached me he quickly muttered, “That’s not it” and ran for his life. Would you believe it? It took me months to recover, and yes, it really happened!
- So make sure you look your best on the first date. Try a small dim pub with soft lighting which along with the bear, do miracles. Wear comfortable clothes that complement you, preferably light-colored clothing and be sure to hide what you don’t like about yourself and emphasize what you can emphasize. .. Remember we are not twenty, thirty or even forty years old anymore. If in those ages we could conquer any man jumping to the stormy ocean in a tiny bikini, today we have to count more on eye contact, understanding, tenderness and all the wisdom that we now have. Most of all remember that he is probably as tense and insecure as you are.
- Remember that men are hunters in nature. So allow them to fulfill themselves and let them be hunters. Do not make an easy prey, do not call them ten times a day – Let them call you – let them court you! My formula has always worked – to answer one call out of three! And in the beginning of the relationship I restricted the calls to two calls max a day at an interval of several hours between each call. You wouldn’t believe how this system works. If it doesn’t, then this is a man who doesn’t really want you or is too tired (and it has nothing to do with age). You don’t really need a man who is tired of life and who is drawn.
Last but not least!
If the miracle occurred and you both fall deeply in love- Cherish it and keep the small flame until it makes a big fire, the fire of the new family, the new tribe. Chapter B and C in life can be truly wonderful. You have a chance to build a new integrated family with lots of joy and love. Don’t be afraid, think positive and open your heart. If I did it so can you!